By Dave Hall, co-founder of Hidden Gems
Upfront disclosure: I make Hidden Gems. This comparison is written by me, about a competitor's product. That's a conflict of interest and you should factor that in.
Here's why I'm publishing it anyway: if you're trying to figure out which product is actually right for you, you deserve accurate information, not marketing. I've used BestSelf's deck. I know what it does well. I'll tell you both sides honestly, including the cases where BestSelf is the better fit.
What each product is
Hidden Gems is a 72-card deck of pre-written love notes. Messages of affection, gratitude, encouragement, playfulness, that one partner hides for the other to discover. A coat pocket, a laptop bag, under a pillow. No writing required, no joint session required. One partner hides a card; the other finds it as a small surprise. $24.99.
BestSelf Intimacy Deck is a structured set of conversation prompts organized by depth level. You draw cards and work through them together, moving from lighter to progressively deeper territory over the course of a session. Designed for couples who want a dedicated, intentional evening together. ~$29.99.
Both products are made for couples. Both use cards. The similarity mostly ends there.
Where BestSelf wins
Structure and depth progression. BestSelf organizes prompts by level, lighter to deeper, across sessions. If you want a structured experience that builds intentionally toward vulnerability, their format is better designed for it. Hidden Gems doesn't organize cards that way; the hide-and-discover mechanic means you find what you find.
Session-based use. If you want to sit down together for an intentional couples activity, BestSelf is built for that. The cards are used together, at the same time, as a shared event. Hidden Gems is an ongoing daily practice, not a sit-down activity. If you prefer the former, BestSelf fits better.
Brand credibility and product range. BestSelf has been around longer, has broader distribution, and has more third-party reviews. They also have a larger product catalog, if the intimacy deck isn't quite what you're looking for, they have other options. We have one product. We believe it does one thing well. If that one thing isn't what you need, we'd rather you buy the right product.
Where Hidden Gems wins
Daily integration vs. occasional use. The core problem with session-based card products is that they work well when you use them and collect dust when you don't. The hide-and-discover mechanic in Hidden Gems weaves connection into daily life, not scheduled, not requiring both partners to agree to sit down together. A card appears in your coat pocket on a random Tuesday. That's it.
Long-married couples in routine. BestSelf prompts work at various relationship stages. Hidden Gems is specifically calibrated for couples who've been together long enough that routine has replaced the small spontaneous expressions of affection. The goal isn't a structured conversation, it's rebuilding the habit of saying "I was thinking about you" in ordinary moments.
One partner can drive it. To use BestSelf, both partners need to be present, in the mood, and willing to commit the time. One of our reviewers put it well: "It's so easy to thumb through the deck, find the right card for the mood, and pop it in a place that she'll stumble across later in the day." That asymmetry is a feature. It means one person can maintain the connection practice even when the other is depleted or distracted.
Head-to-head by use case
| Situation | Better choice |
|---|---|
| Date night activity | BestSelf |
| Daily connection habit | Hidden Gems |
| New relationship (under 3 years) | BestSelf |
| Long-married couple in routine | Hidden Gems |
| Both partners want a structured session | BestSelf |
| One partner driving reconnection | Hidden Gems |
| Gift that reads as premium | BestSelf |
| Gift for a practical, busy couple | Hidden Gems |
| Recovering from a quiet drift | Hidden Gems |
The honest answer for most buyers
If your relationship is in a good place and you want a structured date-night experience to deepen it, BestSelf is worth your money. Our guide to the best conversation cards for couples compares BestSelf with other decks.
If you're reading this because your relationship has gotten quieter than you'd like, you're both busy, neither of you is planning date nights, and you want something that works in the gaps of a normal life without requiring a dedicated event, Hidden Gems is built for exactly that.
Most people searching for this comparison are in the second category. That's not a marketing line; it's who searches for these products.
Questions about whether Hidden Gems is right for you? Email info@playhiddengems.com, Dave and Jenn answer personally.
About the author: Dave is the co-founder of Hidden Gems. He has used the BestSelf Intimacy Deck and owns several other competing products. He has a financial interest in you buying Hidden Gems and tried to write this without it showing too badly.
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