Love is easy to feel and surprisingly easy to forget to show. Especially after years together. You know you love them. They know you love them. So, without meaning to, you stop saying some of the things you used to say and doing some of the things you used to do.
The fix is small. Research reported by the Gottman Institute found that everyday gestures like hugging, holding hands, and regular acts of kindness top the list of what makes people feel loved. Small things done often are also one of the easiest ways to bring the spark back. Here are 17 to start with.
Who is writing this: I'm Dave Hall. My wife Jenn and I hit a flat stretch about 10 years into our marriage, and hiding little love notes for each other is what brought joy and closeness back. That habit became Hidden Gems. What follows is what we have learned, not professional advice.
17 small ways to show your partner you love them
1. Make their coffee
Especially when it is not usually your job. It says "I thought about you before I thought about me" without a word.
2. Send a text with no logistics
Not "Can you grab milk?" Try "Thinking about you." That is the whole text.
3. Give a specific compliment
"You look nice" is fine. "I love that shirt on you" lands differently, because it shows you actually looked.
4. Thank them for something routine
The things people do constantly are the things we stop noticing. Utah State University's relationship experts point to research linking gratitude with higher marital satisfaction. Bonus points for saying how it helped: "When you help me put the kids to bed, it makes my evenings so much less stressful."
5. Put your phone down when they talk
Turn toward them, look up, and listen. Attention is a form of affection.
6. Bring home their favorite snack
No occasion required. The point is that you remembered.
7. Leave them a note
A sticky note works. So does a card tucked into a laptop bag, a coat pocket, or a coffee mug. Eli Finkel, a psychologist who studies marriage, counts a love note among the "lovehacks" that take five minutes or less.
If you want the words already written, that is exactly what Hidden Gems is: 72 pre-written love notes in four categories (Love, Support, Gratitude, and Fun & Flirty) that you hide for your partner to find. "You make every day better." "Don't worry. Everything will be alright." "I can't wait to kiss you later." Pick the card that fits the day and leave it where they will find it later.
8. Ask how the important thing went
Remember the meeting, the appointment, or the hard conversation they mentioned. Then follow up. It shows you were listening.
9. Do one of their chores
And do not announce that you deserve an award afterward.
10. Kiss hello and goodbye
Dr. Gottman suggests a six-second kiss, which he calls "a kiss with potential." Long enough to mean it.
11. Plan something yourself
Do not leave your partner carrying the mental load of planning their own surprise. Pick the place, book it, handle the details. If you need ideas, here are some date ideas that are not just dinner out.
12. Say what you appreciate about who they are
Not just what they did. "You are so patient with people" is the kind of thing most of us rarely hear.
13. Touch them when you walk past
A hand on the shoulder. A hug from behind at the sink. Small and often.
14. Remember something they mentioned
A book they want. A restaurant they want to try. A thing they said they would love someday. Write these down on your phone.
15. Encourage them
Support is romantic too. A short "You've got this" before a big day can carry them all morning.
16. Flirt with them
Long-term relationships are not a reason to retire flirting. Wink across the room. Send the slightly cheesy text.
17. Do it on an ordinary day
This might be the most important one. Big gestures get attention because they are rare. Small gestures build a relationship because they can happen all the time. You do not need Valentine's Day. Tuesday works.
Make it a habit
Pick three from this list and do them this week. Then pick three more. Psychology Today suggests trying a 30-day challenge: one thoughtful thing for your partner every day, and see what changes.
| If you have | Try |
|---|---|
| 10 seconds | A six-second kiss, or a text that says "Thinking about you" |
| 1 minute | Hide a note, or thank them for something specific |
| 5 minutes | Make their coffee, or ask how the important thing went |
| An evening | Plan a date yourself, start to finish |
Why small things matter so much
Small gestures are proof that you are paying attention. When they stop, a relationship can start to feel quiet, even when nothing is wrong. We wrote about that in why your marriage feels boring (and why that is not the real problem). When they come back, so does the feeling of being noticed. For the bigger picture, read our guide to how to bring the spark back in your relationship.
Bring back the spark
72 love notes, ready to hide
The easiest small gesture is a note they find when they are not expecting it. Hidden Gems gives you 72 pre-written love notes in four categories: Love, Support, Gratitude, and Fun & Flirty. Pick one, hide it, and let your partner find it.
See the deckFAQ
What are small ways to show love?
Making their coffee, sending a text that is not about logistics, saying thank you for routine things, a longer kiss goodbye, and leaving a note they will find later. Consistency matters more than size.
Do small gestures really make a difference?
Yes. Research reported by the Gottman Institute found everyday gestures like hugs, holding hands, and acts of kindness top the list of what makes people feel loved.
How do I show love if I am not a words person?
Actions count. Do a chore they usually do, plan an evening, or bring home something they like. If you want to say it but cannot find the words, pre-written notes can help.
How often should I do these?
A few times a week is a good start. Pick the ones that feel natural to you and repeat them.
Free: 7 love notes to hide for your partner
Get the Free Spark Starter Kit: printable notes plus 50 sneaky hiding spots.